This weekend is the weekend of Coachella. This means that it is around next week that if everything went to plan in the USA with my ex-boyfriend I would be coming home soon, not 5 months earlier like I did. Whilst a part of me (small part) is sad that I’m not at Coachella this weekend, it’s hard to be sad with the last 5 months in my life. In previous posts I have written about how much I have learnt in this time and how much I felt I missed out on that I want to make up for. But realising that in these last 5 months if things did go to plan there is a lot that I wouldn’t have had. It has made me see that I have gained a lot more than I lost.(you know what they say, happiness is all in the mind and its so true) This is what I have gained by having the best laid plans all fall through.
My Amazing Family – I have always been really close with my mum, dad and brother though without a doubt I am much closer to them now than I ever have been. I’m not sure if this experience of being apart or if it was watching their daughter/sister go away a happy, confident girl and having her come back an utterly miserable mess that scared them or made them realise that I do have a fragile side that I don’t show them to often. My mum and dad do treat me differently now and are different to before I went away. But they aren’t patronising, they are more supportive, understanding, encouraging and honest with me, more than they ever have been before. I think watching their daughter go through this has taught them a bit more about life too.
My Closest Friends – The thought of not seeing my best friend at all from last june until now is just weird. Granted I did use to email him at least twice a week when I was away, but emailing is hardly the same. The thought is just bizarre to me. I am also glad that I have been home when another really close friend has moved back to Sydney and going through some similar things. We definately grew apart before and it’s nice to be bridging that gap again and I am very thankful to have her around again.
My new friends – Before I went away, I made the most amazing friends. I’m not someone who makes friends easily, it does take me time to feel comfortable around new people. But these girls are beyond the nicest people I have ever met. I remember thinking as I left ‘what are the chances of coming back in a year and still having these friends’ but after 5 months and them hearing I came back early and it didn’t work out, they were some of the first people on my doorstep and I still see them as often as possible. Only coming back now, in all honesty, I’m not sure I would have had these people, but now I know I do, for life.
My Health – I spent over a month of my last days of travelling being sick. A month is not a good time frame to be sick and exhausted and never getting a chance to properly rest. It got to the stage where I forgot how being healthy felt. Mentally, physically and emotionally by the end of this trip. I wasn’t there. It’s pretty doubtful with everything I have discovered since coming home that I would have my mental and physical health back.
Some Direction – Whilst these 5 months have been the amongst the hardest of my life, I have a lot more direction and whilst I might not know exactly what I want all the time, I know what I don’t want now and that by default makes me closer to knowing what I do want.