My One Year Without Customer Service

Tomorrow will mark one year since I have worked in a Customer Service role. Through high school and University I worked in various customer services roles.

Firstly I worked at Kmart when I was in high school. During the christmas period it was a nightmare. Between bitchy co workers, price checks that never seemed to happen, rude christmas shoppers, arrogant wankers and management that though they were in the most prestige position in the world (you still work at kmart, get off your high horse) This job welcomed me to what would be the next 5 years of my life.

During my first year of University, I worked at Darrell Lea chocolate shop, but it really wasn’t for me. It had some great perks, lots of chocolate, good discount. There was way to much ‘girlyness’ for me. Wrapping presents, making things pretty, spending way to much time putting fake ribbons on this and living in rainbow land where everything is sunshine and smiles was exhausting. So it was time to find another job. Seeing as I still had plenty of University left, part-time customer service work seemed like it would still be on the cards.

So my next job was at Woolworths Supermarket, where I stayed for the next 3 plus years. Working in customer service makes your brain numb and this job was mindnumblingly boring. It involved serving customers ham and chicken and other lunch meats, cutting lunch meats, cooking chickens, serving raw chicken and other general gross activities. I would always end the day with chicken fat on my shoes, chicken blood on my clothes and smelling like a bbq chicken. Not to mention the million times I came to work hung over and having to be only feet away from the seafood department, who routinely on Sunday mornings would be cooking some kind of seafood sample. There were a few times where I almost vomited into bins. Charming ay.

But looking back, I don’t think I would have had it any other way. Customer service has in a way, made me kind of how I am today. As sappy as that sounds. It has taught me to study hard so I won’t be there forever, dream big, that what I want to do with my life is important but most importantly it has taught me the value or money and some humility. Through working at this job, I know how hard it is to make money and save it, and what work has to go into that. So everything I have spent this money on, I can say I have well and truly earnt.

Whilst travelling in america I went and visited my then boyfriends old university town where he went on student exchange. These guys have all the freedom and no responsiblity as they party hard and have lots of free time. We don’t do that in Australia. We party hard don’t get me wrong, but we earn that right and don’t abuse it. We do humble jobs to support ourselves and learn that everyone has to do these at some stage so to always treat those people nicely, since that at one point was you as well. It makes Australia seem less classless than I found america. But as much as I hated them, I am grateful for all my customer service jobs for what they have taught me and even more grateful that I am at a stage of my life where I never have to go back. Happy one year away from customer service to me.

Since I am a seasoned expert…

at getting through a break up, I thought I would write a little survival guide for getting through. In the last 5 years I have had two fairly serious relationships, both ending in tears, lots of tears. And I am only 22. Think of all that extra heartbreak I still have ahead of me too. Its heartbreaking really. But here is my list of stages of getting through the break up in one piece.

Stage 1. – Cry and Cry and Cry- This stage should not be avoided, as someone once said to me, you have to work through it not around it. That goes for most things in life, but even more right now. Feel your pain, eat shitloads of comfort food and watch sappy rom coms whilst listening to Adele. Get it out of your system.

Stage 2. – Get angry, Anger is a healthy emotion in a small amount, but you were hurt and that is something to be angry about. Whilst you are there, concentrate on all the things you didn’t like about your relationship, I’m sure there is lots. Think of their flaws, everyone has flaws. This is not the time for lovely memories and what if’s.

Stage 3. Getting out of the house – This must be done eventually. See friends, family and get out in the world again. If your still emotional best to avoid the grog, cause that will put you right back at stage one. But be part of the world again. The world isn’t so bad. Whilst you are there, get as much support as you need from family and friends, they love you, so they will want to help you. It’s not a burden. I never mind listening to this stuff for my friends and family.

Stage 4 – Re evaluate your life. The dream is to find someone and be with them forever right. So doesn’t that mean you will quite possibly spend most of your life in a relationship. That makes single time seem quite precious doesn’t it. Enjoy being on your own. This is the perfect opportunity to see what you want for your own life and go out and get it. Right now I am still in the process of getting over someone, with no job and an education. This is a huge opportunity in my life to lead my life in a completely different and better direction. Its exciting right. Now is the time to do and try new things and develop your passions that are solely about you.

Stage 5 – When the initial hard bit of the break up is over, you need to have an honest think with yourself. Where you truly 100% happy? Where there things in your relationship that made you miserable. This is the stage I am up to at the moment personally where I am truly seeing how unhappy I was at times and how there were things my ex did that I put up with, that I really wouldn’t want to put up with forever. For example, in almost 2 years, I really felt like I had made a huge effort to be involved in his interests, the music he liked, the activites he liked, I tried to be as encouraging and supportive as I could be whilst being honest as well. However looking back I don’t think I ever really got this in return. My ex didn’t even know my major and sub major of my degree a couple of months before we split, let alone my favourite songs or having any interest in listening to music I liked that he didn’t know, whilst he did this for lots of other people. He took on others interests but never really wanted to explore mine, I’m not 100% he really knew what they were.

My ex also lacked understanding of me not wanting to be left alone at parties were I didn’t know anyone. I often would stand at the food table alone or pretend to need to go to the bathroom more then I really had to (which I realise now, possibly would have looked really weird to the outside world lol) rather then try and include me in conversations or parts of groups. I realise there is a skill to that, but he is quite a shy person to, and I never left him alone places, or I would try and include him in the conversation when I could. I always found it a bit hypocritical actually.

My ex also put pretty much everyone before me a lot of the time. This was really hard to stomach when I felt I put him first always. Other people would always take priority over me and he seemed eager to win others over. Perhaps he didn’t really have to try to win me over, so effort wasn’t really needed. But either way that always hurt like hell, his desperation to have others like him, but he never really cared how I felt about him. I don’t know. The more I look at it, the more unhealthy it really does sound. As you can see writing this is about helping me too, but chances are if you and your old flame didn’t work out, there was probably some really valid reasons.

 

These are just a couple of examples of things I feel like I was putting up with that ideally in life, I hopefully won’t have too.

Stage 5 is good to make you realise what you want from life and from a partner and so you don’t make the same mistakes again.

The Joys Of Finding A Job

So right now, I am meant to be finding a job, having just come back from overseas. It seems I forgot just how hard it is to find that dreaded job. It’s not like I need a job for the money, I live at home and have enough money to cover my expenses for a while, its more I need one in terms of a career, so any old job won’t do right now. I need the right job. But finding that ‘right’ job can be a royal pain in the ‘you know what’ and has left me feeling like this

There is a lot more to applying for a job then simply just mailing out your CV. You need to tailor each resume to sound like your life experiences up to this point have all lead you to this defining moment, and this job is your calling. You need to address the ‘selection criteria’

There are certain things in the Selection Criteria that makes sense. You need a ‘Social Science degree’, you either have it or you don’t. But I can’t stand when you get the ones like, ‘ a good attitude’ Oh damn, I forgot I have a bad attitude, I best not apply. Good written and communication skills, well turns out your going to test me on this by asking me to write over 2000 words as to why I would be good for this job as a ‘admin assistant’, is that really nessicary? Or then you have the job ad’s that are so specific and anal that you would never apply for those jobs, because if someone can make themselves sound like an anal prick in just a job ad, they would be the worlds worst boss.

So the joys of finding a job continue. And if worst comes to worst, I’m going to India or Vietnam. Escape for a while.

Things I Should Know How to Do By Now

It has come to my attention laterly that I am rather hopeless at life. Ok so that might be a little hard on myself, but there are plenty of things I should know how to do at the age of 22. Laterly it has started to freak me out that my peers from high school are getting married and having babies and other ridculous things like that and here I am, emotionally mature, but am missing so many basic life skills. Here are some things I really should know by now.

1.) How to Drive - I am the only person from my high school that didn’t have her licences when we graduated. 5 years have passed and whoops, I never got around to learning. It is embarrasing that I can’t do this yet. Lessons are starting now.

2.) How to Wear a pair of high heels – I bought myself a pair the other day (actually they are wedges, but they are big ones) and I am determined to do this. Been practising around my house, like a girl going to her year 10 formal (junior prom if your American) and I am hitting the city this weekend. I do like to dance however, perhaps I will fall into some hunks arms. Eh I can dream.

3.) How to Cook a roast – I live at home still, and whilst I can cook things like stir frys, pastas, asian food and other basic foods, cooking big chunks of meat has never been my strong point. As oh so overly domestic goddess and somewhat anti feminist this sounds, I would love to be able to cook my man a roast. Once I learn the roast part, now all I need is the man.

4.)  How to put a Doona Cover on – This one isn’t from a lack of trying, whilst travelling in dorms, my doona looked more like a bean bag then a doona as I am just hopeless at this.

5.) How to sew a hem or even use a sewing machine for that matter - I blame this one on my mother, we have never owed a sewing machine and therefore I have never used one. It’s a bit sad that I had to get my mum to take up a dress for me before I went out last week.

It is my mission to learn these life skills, so I can finally feel like I have made my way to adulthood.

The Ugliest Word I Know.

It’s not what you think. The ugliest word I know is the word ‘selfish’… The word ‘selfish’ has come up in my life in a few different areas lately, and hearing about the acts of selfishness is enough to make my blood boil and me get into a rage. (ok this is possibly an exaggeration, however it makes me errk!)

But recently it has come to my attention from advice from people as well as the way people have said they choose to be happy is to ‘be more selfish’. But I challenge one person who has this view in life to really question whether this approach has brought them long-term happiness. Being selfish can satisfy some instant needs in your life, but can being selfish ever really grant you lasting happiness. That is the question I have for you world.

There are some many people lately that I just want to tell to get your heads out of your arse because the world is not all about you, and you will be a lot happier in it once you realise that, not just take the opposite approach and make out like your instant happiness and ego mean more to the world then it really does.

I realise this isn’t anything interesting that anyone else would want to read about, but it has really been bothering me lately. But can selfishness really grant long-term happiness or does it just satisfy instant urges and create a constant spiral of seeking happiness that can never be achieved, with everyone being more selfish to gain that instant gratification.

Giving and being there for others, grants true happiness.

http://www.happytipz.com/2011/01/selfishness-and-happiness.html

 

 

And that feels so rough.

So last night was the first time I cried in over a month. For someone who was recently diagnosed with depression this is a big feat, where as before the water works would come on almost daily. But I want to share with you why last night I was brought to tears.

Last night I was flicking through random blogs when I came across a girl who was really similar to me. She was recently diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (similar to myself) and had been having a rough time. The symptoms she described were very much like the ones I went through where she was stuck in a lifeless rut, teary, overwhelmed, depressed and anxious and scared. Reading her words was almost as if reading my own. It was like she could describe what happened to me better than I could. But this isn’t the part that made me cry.

The rest of the post was dedicated to her boyfriend who despite having only been in her life a couple of months, helped her out of her rut, got her the help she needed and cared enough to stick around during this hard time in her life. This is the part that made me cry.

My ex boyfriend couldn’t do this for me. I was suffering and needed help and he abandoned me to dig myself out of. I was already in a deep hole and he decided to make that hole deeper rather than to help lift me out. I get that he tried and this post isn’t about blaming him. It’s about realising how much more I deserve then that.

Through my recovery from my depression, a big part of getting better is having someone around to monitor my recovery to see if my meds are working. Unfortunately I don’t have this kind of support as he was the only person around during the depression as we were travelling together. This means that my recovery process will be a lot slower than it has to be if he was still around. It also means I have to pay greater attention to myself as I am the only one who knows what I went through that is still in my daily life. It also means that at times its hard for the doctors to be able to tell what is ‘break up blues’ and what is depression. So the battle has been made that extra step harder then it already was, and recovery is a bit further down the horizon then it had to be if I chose the right guy.

If he cared as much as he said he did, my recovery would mean more to him then it did and he would have stuck around.

But like I said, this post isn’t aimed at blaming him or designed to do anything other than for me to see how much more I deserve. I know I deserve more than that. Everybody does. I know I am worth a lot more than that. And despite all the hurt I’ve been put through, I believe I will find more then that someday. And I’m glad that other girl got the prize that was promised.

In the words of Marilyn Monroe

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

The Break Up Effect

This may just be me. But does anyone else feel there strongest after getting out of a relationship that wasn’t working? Don’t get me wrong, the first weeks are hard, difficult and faced with a lot of self reflection. What happened, how did it get like this? How did I get like this? Where did my confidence go? But after the initial hard bit it over, I just end up feeling more alive. Is that just moving on? I’m still young and learning so maybe everyone feels like this. Like they are born again and ready to take on the world.

Don’t get me wrong, it will be years before I let another guy in or trust another guy and I doubt I will ever be as trusting as I was before again. To much in me has changed. But is it normal to feel this good after a break up. Like possibly better then I’ve ever felt before. Alive and free. I thought relationships were meant to make your life better, but then why I am so much stronger and more confident, more myself alone.

It is kind of scary actually. I don’t want to be alone forever. Some day in the distant future, I would like someone. But what if you can never have someone and be completely happy and confident and self assured if you have someone.

Is this just me?

My ‘one that got away’

My one that got away was a recent one. It was an idea, a concept, a passion of mine. I had an idea whilst I was travelling through America of a way to empower a group of people I felt very passionate about. A way for me to be a small cog in the wheel of change. It wasn’t a revolutionary idea, but it was a project I considered creating for myself whilst living abroad in the states. I thought of this ideal whilst I was going through a tough time and this idea was going to be what was going to get me out of it. A passion if you will, if it failed, well at least I could say I’ve done something to try to make a positive step forward in the world.

But whilst in America I was committed to living in an area of America called Park City. It was a resort town. Whilst it was pretty and picturesque it felt fake and unrealistic. It was polished, to polished. Plastic if you will. Whilst learning that trips to Salt Lake City, any city, any area that I would be part of the ‘real world’ again, not the fake plastic tourist town. Without this reality, my idea was not possible.

This was another kick in my already damaged self. I had to come home back to Australia for personal reasons. And I am happy to be back. But a small part of me is sad that this idea will never become a reality, as it was something I needed to do at that particular time as it was a current issue and something that I needed to be in the USA for.

That is my one that got away.

Narcissism – A Western Epidemic?

Narcissism is not a new concept. The term was first coined in 1887, named after Narcissus from a Greek myth about a man who was punished to love his own reflection for all of eternity after rejecting all other romantic partners, because he never found any that matched up to his perception of himself. However narcissism is a growing epidemic of our time. It is predicted that 1/6 people in Western Society have some degree of narcissism, with around 20% of these people having serious problems with narcissim.However it is very rare for a narcissist to see that they have a problem, meaning most narcissism goes undetected, with those being treated usually brought in by family or friends who cannot cope anymore.

Everyone has narcissistic traits, everyone is a little self-absorbed at times but to some these can become extreme problems. Attention seeking, manipulation, thinking others are manipulating you, lack of empathy for others, lack of care for others if they do not have the same opinions as you and emotional abuse are all commonplace to those that have problems with narcissism.

However it has interested me to learn that problems with narcissism are a lot more predominate in the West then they are in Eastern culture. Narcissism is not a problem commonly associated to Eastern culture. fascinating.

After a conversation with my good friend last night I have put this down to two different possible reasons and I am undecided as to which one it would be.

My friend commented that in Eastern culture these problems would not be documented as much as they would in Western culture, as mental health and other personality disorders are really looked down on and viewed different. They are more a fault of the individual. This may be true.

However I personally think it could be the different doctrines of these different cultures. Western Culture focuses on the individual, where as eastern focuses on the collective. Western culture encourages everyone to be individuals, do things for themselves, achieve things individually and that you only really yourself. Eastern culture focuses more on the collective. The individual state is not as nurtured as the state of being in a collective group. Your viewed by your memberships.

Perhaps us in the West could be taking a leaf out of our friends in the East’s book.

For more information on how to spot an narcissist.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/08/04/how-to-spot-a-narcissist/

Dear Me, A letter to my 16 year old self.

Currently I am reading the book, Dear Me a Letter to my 16 year old self. It is a book in which various celebrities and popular figures right a letter to there former selves at the tender age of 16. Despite 16 only being a new months shy of 7 years for me. I am inspired to do the same thing as there are definately some things I would have to say to her if I was to bump into her on the street.

Dear Nicole.

Oh Nicole, well I have some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news is that you won’t have things as figured out as you would have liked at this point. I know you worry way to much about the future and you want things to fit together and work out. You have way to many ideals and you have your head in the clouds. However the good news is that you won’t care at this point that you won’t know what is going to happen to yourself. You will like the mystery believe it or not. The life you dreamed for yourself isn’t anywhere near as exciting as the one you have. So don’t worry.

Don’t worry that guys don’t like you, plenty will like you in time. You will get the guys you like and more attention then you need. However it turns out the guys you like are not what you dreamed them up to be. And you will soon start to realise that some of your lonelinest times, have been when there has been someone there. Pay attention to yourself instead. You will laugh most of it off.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, be nice to yourself. Life is good. Don’t stress, stress just causes problems. Trust me. And trust your gut, it never lies to you.

But its not all bad. I don’t want to ruin the surprises for you, but trust me, in 7 years you will achieve more then you every dreamed yourself to do and you will really see how strong you are. You are stronger then you give yourself credit for.There is plenty more to come for both of us.

Be nicer to dad, he is just looking out for you. And stay away from white wine.

I love you.

Your future self.