What a wonderful day for Nostalgia

Nostalgia - a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

Today my family got a lovely surprise in the mail. It was a small, cd sized package from my aunt. What could it be? we all thought as we spent a great length of time trying to get through the rolls of sticky tape that kept the contents inside. Turns out my cousin found these old tapes that my grandfather didn’t know he still had and transfered them to DVD.The videos consisted of family christmas’, birthdays, new babies, weddings and family gatherings. I knew these tapes existed somewhere, but we all thought they were long gone, not that I have any recollection of them being filmed, as they dated from 1984 (5 years before my birth) to 1992 when I was about 3. In 1992, the start of my family moving all different directions began to happen and with that the videos stopped (not to mention the fact that we probably looked less and less cute as time went on) Being so much younger than my cousins (most of whom were about past the age of 10 when I was born) I really have no recollection of these events, however I have always sentimentally looked back at photographs and wish I were older and more part of my family whilst it was still as close as together as it was back then.

What a wonderful day for nostalgia as I watched my parents wedding, footage of my deceased grandparents, (how lovely it was to hear there voices again) as well as other family occasions that I always heard about but never remembered.

What a wonderful day for Nostalgia.

Defining the last 5 Years

On the 28th of September 2006, I, along with my 73 other classmates graduated high school. It was an exciting time, filled with optimistic fear. Each year since then, I have learnt some very valuable lessons which defined each year from the journey I have made from the 17-year-old girl who didn’t know what she was going to do with her life, to the 22-year-old girl, who still doesn’t know what she is going to do with her life. 

2007 – The Year of  Autonomy yet Romance.

2007 was the year I started high school, for anyone reading this that might be American (as the largest proportion of people who I seem to meet on here are) you have to realise that we do University very different in Australia. We tend to go to Universities close to where we live, we only really move if we have it. That being said, University definitely isn’t as social in Australia as it is in the United States. After coming from a really small community based high school, were even 5 years later I am still friends with about 40-50% of my classmates, this was a huge adjustment. I had to learn to go places on my own, travel a hell of a long way to get to classes and figure out how to enjoy solitude. I had friends at university, though I learnt quickly to do my own thing. Though this is the year I experience the most romantic bliss, being in a good relationship with few hiccups.

2008 – The Year of Hard Work and Hard Partying

2008 proved to be one of the hardest for me study wise. With subjects such as Social Research Methods, Philosophies of Social Sciences as well as Mind, Body and Emotion and Health Psychology and Drugs, Addiction and Society it proved to be one tough year learning the vast areas that Social Science degrees have to offer. Despite turning 18 in 2007, 2008 was when I really explored what this extra privilege gave me. We have been having house parties for years, but 2008 was the time for exploring all the clubs. You name the type of clubs and I tried it this year. Indie Clubs, retro clubs, emo clubs, metal clubs (I was the preppiest person there, I thought I might get knifed) R n B clubs, trendy clubs. There was a lot of hard work relationships wise too, with a previously great relationship turning sour very quickly.

Purple Sneakers, my favourite club during this phase and that DJ (Monkey Genius) happens to be one of my 74 classmates. That’s right, I am cool by association only.

2009 – The Year of Changes and Adventures - This was the best year of my life and sometimes I am not sure why this year stands out so much more than any other, but it does. The changes that took place in 2009, were probably the most significant personal growth a person can have. I left a relationship that downright made me miserable and got my life back again. I deferred university, went overseas alone and did things completely for myself that were completely my own choosing. It was all me. I achieved a lot this year, made a lot of great friends and think of these experiences like they were yesterday.

2010 – The Year of Reconnection (and the ending of 16 and a half years of education and yes more partying)

The year of all the 21st. The 21st came rolling in and this year gave me some of the cheapest and best parties I have and ever will attend. Being invited to all the old friends from high school parties also reinforced just how much of a bond you create with the people you share the experience of school with. Even though we will all make new friends and go off in different directions, we will always have that connection. 2010 is a year I never give enough credit too. I finished a degree this year. I left a huge phase of my life behind. In hindsight it was a very exciting year.

2011 – The Year of the Opening Eyes and Seeing the World.

The end of 2011 proved to be my downfall, with a breakdown to follow. This year was the year of challenges, the year of opening eyes for many reasons. Firstly from travelling through Europe for 4 and a half months, my eyes were opened to world events I had little to no idea about. That is what travel is for, it broadens the mind. I learnt so much recent history that I really didn’t know much about such as Soviet’s Invasion in Central Europe. In my modern history classes back at high school we focused more on Asian History and American History, so European History is something I knew very little about until recently Secondly, I opened my eyes to the holes and reality of my private life, reality isn’t exactly bliss at times, but at least its reality. Despite the challenges of this past year, I got to see a lot of the world which I have longed to do for a very long time.

And now a question for anyone reading this?

How do you define the last 5 years of your life? and how do you hope to define 2012?

Hindsight

Life is sometimes really funny. Sometimes you don’t see things until a long time later. Last night I was talking to an old boyfriend of mine from many years ago. We dated from when I was 17 until I was 20. It was my first serious relationship, my first real one. I have a lot of good memories from this relationship (and some bad too) it was a very intense relationship at the time and I know this person did care about me very much, possibly too much, more than I understood.

Whilst I am anything but trying to convey that this relationship was perfect, it was not in any way shape or form perfect. We weren’t suited to each other and I was a lot younger and more naive. It ended in a pretty bad way but years later we are on good terms and I am very grateful for that.

I love that a few years later I can look at how far we have both come in life and see that ending that was right. After my most recent relationship that ended I also have a greater appreciation for this guy. Not in a longing for him kind of way. I don’t mean to make it sound like I would be interested in him again, I wouldn’t be. Whilst he was far from perfect, he really cared about me. I have never once doubted that. I guess I just really appreciate how much he cared about me, it’s hard being the person who gives more of themselves to a relationship. After being on the opposite side of this, I really get it.

He had some tough personal circumstances since we broke up and he has worked really hard and I am really proud of how far it seems he has come. He is now travelling the world for 10 months.

Best of Luck

The Hardest Part.

Now that the relationship is over, the hardest part is just accepting that this person will never understand or have the capability to understand. There is no bad feelings as this post may make it sound, no grudges or bad words. I want them to be happy and I hope they do find the happiness they are craving. However it is hard you to have been put through so much by this one person and have them just walk away and not see or care about the damage they did. Everything is about them. They are still the victim and in their life they never have room for you to be a victim. There were many occasions were all I needed was someone who understood but that was never an option. So many times when things were about me, but turned around and made about him. It’s hard to have suffered a mental breakdown and for that person to turn around and make it about them rather than to take care of you and see that ‘I was the victim’ I don’t want to play the victim card, obviously watching me have a mental breakdown would be a hard thing for my ex boyfriend to have to witness. But my breaking down to my boyfriend was and still is a hard thing for him to have to deal with, even though we aren’t in each others lives really anymore. In his head, he was the victim in it all and I wasn’t. I was the cause, of my own mental breakdown. I had a mental breakdown because it was all about him and then he made the mental breakdown about him too. There was no escape.

The hardest part is accepting that this person will never see that. I know that this is never going to change. I know that this person just doesn’t have the capability and that is not his fault. I know it’s not his fault, but that doesn’t make it right. I think I have started to accept that this is the case, it’s just hard to accept that this will never change. But I know that is the case.

What’s Your Favourite Memory?

 

I love these videos. They are part of a collection in which take place in many of the world’s most famous cities, with many different questions. This is one of in my opinion of the better ones to come out recently.

My favourite memory was from a family holiday when I was a 13 years old and my older brother was 15. We were walking along the beach with our parents on a really hot summers day on a beach in the south coast of NSW. It started to pour down, but we all didn’t really mind getting wet, because it was so hot. As we were no where near our beach house or any other form of shelter, my mum,dad, brother and I were all soaked. My dad then started splashing the rest of us with the edge of the shore. Then somehow we all ended up in the water, during the pouring rain fully clothed, wrestling and splashing each other, not caring about a thing in the world. I will always treasure that memory.