Back to Blogging

Ok, so disregard that last post.

I miss blogging. Over that 6 month it really became quite a lifeline for me. This blog originally started as my means of coping through a hard time and now that I am out of it, it didn’t seem much point, but I was wrong. It’s good to reflect on the good times as well as the neutral times, it’s good to get my head around things before I get to a stage where I am swamped emotionally again. I almost think blogging makes me look at the world in a more present sense and it’s effects extend onto the world outside my laptop, adds that extra layer of meaning to life that I sometimes feel I am lacking.

Since my last post in July, quite a bit has happened.

- I passed the probationary stage of my job and now officially a full time worker with a full set of worker’s rights. (I also have accumulated over 2 weeks annual leave)

- Which in turn means I have started to plan a trip, but the planning stages are pretty vague at the moment as I haven’t quite narrowed down a contienent yet. (there’s a few in the mix)

- I have done a bit of travelling in my own country. In the last couple of months I have been to Brisbane, Melbourne, Fremantle and Cairns. I’ve been kayaking up the Swan River in Perth, Snorkelling in the Great Barrier Reef, seeing extended family and having many local brews. I am also going to New Zealand for a quick trip at the end of the year. The plan is to go Bungee Jumping, but this may change to zip lining instead. More of a view that way.

 

Bus Etiquette

Lately I have been so busy with work that this blog has taken a real nosedive. With long work weeks, long commutes and being attacked  by the mother of all flu’s has made me super exhausted and super boring. And this post is about to prove it.

Something that has really been bothering me the two month or so (pretty much since I started full time work) is the lack of understanding of Bus Etiquette the average person on the daily commute has. Perhaps they are so use to this commute and the terrible practises of others that they have all those their way of understanding how to be a decent human being whilst riding a bus but I am going to write the unwritten laws of bus etiquette. Let this be your guide.

1. Stand up for Pregnant ladies, ladies with prams and anybody less abled than yourself really – I really shouldn’t have to write this one. EVERYONE should have enough common sense as to know this golden rule. But alas, experience has shown me people do not. The other week I witnessed a lady attempt to stand up whilst holding herself and her pram upright (that takes some serious balance and calf muscles) whilst the bus driver spoke to her telling her that she better hold on tight. Poor women, if I wasn’t on the back seat I would have given my seat up, but it was shocking that no one in the pram/wheelchair section of the bus would get up.

2. If you are the first person on the seat, move to the window. – The window seat is better anyone for one major reason, you can have an awesome commuting snooze to and from work, I love the window seat, however I do not ‘love’ having to climb over rude people who can’t move over because they want the aisle seat so much. Deal with the window seat or stand up so I can get to the superior position suckers.

3. If your on the aisle seat and a free seat becomes available, move to the free seat – I understand that I have to be jammed up against the window if there are no free seats. You want to seat down and if the only spots are next to people, sure go right ahead, but if a free seat opens up, move there. Don’t make me climb over you for the free seat and do not, (i repeat do not) seat next to me with EVERY other seat on the bus empty. Must I be forced against the window, unable to cross my legs for the best part of an hour because your to lazy to arse shuffle one metre.

4. If someone on the window seat is trying to get off the bus and you are in the aisle seat, get up for them! – Omg! my worst pet hate. Seriously, the gap between your legs and the seat is miniscle. Get up so I don’t have to climb over you, and no, moving your legs to the side is not good enough, your body is still in the way. When people do this to me, I make no effort to make sure my bag doesn’t hit them in the face, and it’s their fucking fault when it inevitably does.

The bus is for everyone, think of others and have some common sense whilst riding the bus.

 

 

First World Needs

I’ve always been brought up to not want too much stuff. As a kid I had lots of toys, but my parents use to point out that I would take the same one with me everywhere, so what was the point in having the rest. This principle has kind of being one I have lived by. Friends have all pointed out how little stuff I have (I’m not a hoarder either) when I have always thought I had as much as anyone. (perhaps I should be going through their things as well). I have always thought that anyone just needs the basics. Whilst this is still essentially true, I am now a little more aware of reality. That sometimes things can make life better and that doesn’t make you a materialistic bitch.

I have never in the past been a fan of smartphones. I have a computer and I can access it at home. I don’t need my phone to tell me the weather, I can walk outside. I don’t need my phone to go on facebook, I have already spent to much of my life on my facebook account as is. But I have realised lately that there is a point where you have to keep up the world as well, or you get left behind. These items then become needs, first world needs.

When I was job hunting, I’d get calls on my mobile (another first world need) with people asking to shoot through something by email. They also expected this basically instantly. But what if I didn’t have a phone that has email, an Ipad and I wouldn’t have access to my computer until after the close of business. Well then apparently I wasn’t going to get my notice for my interview before the interviews the next day, so therefore I missed my chance. My lack of owning a smartphone had all of a sudden cost me the chance to earn a living. (granted it was a crap job anyway and I love the job I now have, take that!) But having a smartphone has now become a need, a first world need. It’s not about keeping up with the Jones, it’s about keeping up with the world and functioning on the same level. You have to change with the pace.

So since getting my new awesome job, I lashed out and bought myself a new present. A Samsung Galaxy SII. It’s an amazing phone. And whilst I am YEARS behind getting exciting about apps that my friends have allll soooo tottaalllly known about for years, it’s still exciting to me. Though I do have a new co-worker that just got his first smart phone today. Guess he had the same post uni, I can’t get a job because I don’t have a smart phone problem too.

I guess I am too quick to judge materialism. There is a point where it’s not materialistic, it’s a kind of need. A first world need.

Love Interruption

Family, Friends, Career Goals, Love, Money, Travel. What is your priority? We all have different priorities and these shift and change at different times. We can have a conjunction of priorities, a selection of two or 3. But to have all that above, well over a lifetime sure, I believe that is possible (I really hope so), but not all at once. One thing has to prevail over the rest. For young, naive me that has usually been love. Looking over my life, I have always put a high priority over love. Maybe it was to many fairy tales as a child or too many romantic comedies as a teen. But love has always been the one thing I knew I wanted when I was unsure about anything else. Whether that is a true deep down want or from my socialization I couldn’t tell you. However of all the things above, love is the biggest risk. It very much leaves you at the hands of the priorities of another, who may not prioritize it like you do. Love is a scary priority, with a lack of control. The last 6 months, without really meaning to, my prioritize have definately shifted. Love is no longer a priority.(feels a bit strange to tell you the truth) Maybe one day it will be again, I kind of hope it will, but not for a while. It’s funny that turning 23 and gaining that extra year, has made me realise just how young I really am and how precious this stage of my life really is.

I won’t let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me …. anymore.

My Problem with ‘Getting out of the Comfort Zone’

We have all been told by somebody at one point or another that we have to get out of our comfort zone. It’s a very commonly used expression, so commonly used, I believe the term has gotten out of hand. Between my friends, peers and other bloggers, I hear this term so much that I believe now it is misused and mispresents itself.

Don’t get me wrong, getting out of your comfort zone is a good and important part of life. It will make your life more enriched and you a better person as a result. However I ask, is there not a difference between doing something that you would want to do if fear wasn’t a factor and doing something that would make you uncomfortable and unhappy? So many times I hear people being pressured to do things under this guise. It’s almost like an insult or threat these days, ‘you have to leave your comfort zone sometime’, as if your being accused of something by not leaving your comfort zone.

After having a conversation with a friend, I have really seen this such distinct different that seems to get blurred through pressure, a lack of understanding and ignorance. I have a friend that wants to travel solo but is a little timid. (she’ll probably be reading this, hi friend!) and I think that she should go for it, as long as she is prepared for the negatives as well. She knows that she is not one to particularly enjoy being alone and doing things alone, so she needs to be prepared that solo travel definately at least has moments of really being by yourself and doing things alone and at the end of the day, she has to be comfortable with it and decide if fear is the only thing hold her back or if there is more to it than that.

If I am being open and honest, which I try to be as much as possible when it comes to writing this blog, because it’s only going to benefit me if I am honest with myself and with everyone reading, I’ve been pressured with this comfort zone line before and it’s lead me down a hole. As most people reading this probably already know, I was meant to live overseas with my now ex-boyfriend in a ski resort in Park City Utah, after we backpacked europe, but we only really made it through the backpacking Europe part. Something I have never really shared before is that I didn’t really want to live in Park City Utah and I was scared about living at in ski resort in America. I was scared about being away for so long, and I see now and at the time that the time was just something I feared but wanted to do, so therefore ‘leaving my comfort zone’ would be the appropriate term to use, I wanted it, I just wasn’t comfortable with it. But living in a small ski town wasn’t really a fear thing, but it was a ‘I just didn’t think I would like it thing’ I don’t like small towns, I like cities and liveliness and being around things that are happening. It’s not a bad thing, thats just what I like and who I am. My version of  culture shock has never been being in Beijing or Phnom Penh or Bangkok, it’s small isolated country towns and its not so much of a shock as a dred and general disinterest. But I agreed to go and live in a place I didn’t want to live, under the pressure of ‘you have to get out of your comfort zone’, feeling like I wasn’t an adventerous person if I didn’t give it a go and try it, despite knowing myself.

That line between ‘getting out of comfort zone’ and ‘feeling pressured to do something that just isn’t you’ is a clear cut one if you trust your gut, yet it still gets ever so blurred from pressure from people and society, don’t let that line blur. I know I never will again.

Blogging My Way Out of a Black Hole

5 months ago, I was advised to start writing a journal or a blog to help improve my life. Not only does writing have a very therapeutic nature to it, it allows for a creative and effective means of self expression. This past 5 months has been a great journey for me. I can only say it has been at times the hardest time in my life, but at the same time I have discovered things about myself and life that have only and will only make things better in the future. These are all the things that the experience of blogging my way out of a black hole has given me.

Blogging has given me an outlet of Self Expression – It wasn’t until I started blog writing that I realised how much self expression was really missing from my life. I have always been a quiet and shy person, but I have always had opinions and things to say. In my situation overseas, I had limited people to express myself to as well as the fact that the only person whom I could express myself to on a daily basis, discouraged me from having an opinion differing to his. This made me timid to self express and to really thinking for myself and this blog has given me that internal power back.

Blogging has made me connected to the world like I never have before – With blogging, you get to know people by their experiences. Real life, you only find out their secret sorrows and life altering and defining experiences after you know someone a long time. Reading the blogs of others as given me a valuable insight to my fellow bloggers and a greater understanding of others. Greater understanding of what is beneath the surface.

Blogging has allowed me to understand my own life more – looking back at some of my first posts over 5 months ago, I was in a completely different place mentally and emotionally. The things I understand about my situation now, I didn’t when first writing this. I essentially have written my way out of a black hole, with a greater understanding of those around me, only achieved by the written word.

Blogging has connected me to a community of people who share a similar story – Going through an experience of being with someone narcissistic would have been a lonely journey without the blogging community and those blogs and people. So much of their stories, mirror my own, which has allowed me to understand exactly what happened in a step by step format. It has also given me a tremendous amount of support, where otherwise there would have been none that could understand on a personal level. The sharing of stories and experiences ultimately connects you on a deeper level. I have also found that the blogging community has been one of the most inclusive communities I have ever felt part of. I’ve had a number of people offer up their emails or to contact them if I ever needed them, which flaws me as to how nice some people in the world are. I’ve also never had anyone say a bad or ill word towards me or anything I am saying. I oddly don’t feel lonely very often, I thought in this situation I would, but oddly I don’t.

Blogging has made me view my life and the world differently – Blogging has made me notice things more. In wanting to update somewhat frequently, it makes me think about things more, notice things more, reflect more and share more. All very positive qualities in which I feel are shaping this new and improved version of myself. In extending onto this, I am now going to make a point of taking my camera everywhere I go, to encourage me to pay more attention to my surroundings.

Tips on Happiness, by someone completely unqualified to give it

Anyone who knows me, knows I am no life expert. Whilst I have a grasp of basic psychology, I have only learnt about the positive effects of happiness. We all know the facts. Happy people live long. Happy people have better physical health. Happy people are less lonely.

And whilst I am no life expert, the last 3 months have been a constant work on my happiness and myself, going from the girl who had a mental breakdown and was diagnosed with depression, to the girl who’s life is back on track and for the most part, is really happy. Whilst happiness is a very subjective matter, these are in my opinion, some universal rules I have learnt lately.

1.) Love yourself, in a selfless way. How is this possible one might say? By loving yourself despite all the things you don’t like about yourself. Realise what parts of yourself can be improved and what parts of yourself is your true self and things that shouldn’t be changed. Love yourself and take care of yourself, but never to the expense of anyone else. It all starts with a bit of self love

2.) Sleep more, I know we all lead business lives (ok so everyone reading this probably does, right now I do not so much) but you should be able to find to sleep. Your no good to anyone without sound sleep.

3.) Surround yourself with positive people – lately I have started to notice in my interpersonal relationships, which are the people that bring out the positivity in me, which bring out negativity and which seem to bring out negativity in each other. Positive people make you feel good about your life and encourage you in your decisions.

4) Accept people the way they are – this is the one I am working on the most and it is hard. But at the end of the day, the only person you can change is yourself. Your attitudes and expectations towards these people is what you can change. Not their behaviour. But having said that, don’t settle for treatment you don’t deserve.

5) Obligations, not always a bad word- Some obligations in life suck, but some obligations in life, give your life the greatest meaning. Like in the movie up in the air. He gives a speech about freeing your life from its baggage such as relationships and attachments, only to realise that is what life is truly about.

6.) Say Yes more – To social events, to social change, to invites and offers. To experiences and adventures. Don’t think. Just say yes.

I wish anyone who reads this, lots of happiness.

What are your golden rules to happiness?

It’s All in the Mind

Recently I have really learnt that happiness is all in the mind. You don’t need much to be happy, but to be grateful for what you do have, is the secret to happiness.

I have a friend, she has found a guy that she is moving in with. She came back from overseas about a month after I did, got herself a job and found a place to live and move into with the dream guy. From my point of view, I came back from overseas, from a trip that didn’t work out with my now ex boyfriend and am still unemployed. But at the end of the day, why is it that I seem happier with my life than she does with hers. She just got everything she wanted, and I am thrilled for her, why isn’t she thrilled?

On talking to a friend last night who helped her move into this unit, he mentioned how sad it was that she didn’t seem to excited about the whole finding your first unit and moving in with your boyfriend and getting settled into life. When I picture moving out, I picture it being a very happy event.

But hearing about her having a life I; six months ago would have thought I would want with the guy I was with, happening to her, I realise that happiness isn’t really about what you have, but about how you interpret it in your life. Happiness is about being in the moment and happy with what you do have and realising that even when you don’t feel like you have everything that you want, it is still more than enough.

Realities of Travelling with a Partner.

I know in writing this, I will possibly be a bit biased and the point of me writing this post is not to discourage anyone from travelling with their partner. Travelling with your partner I am told can bring you closer together and make your relationship strong as you take on all the challenges together. It however comes with many certain realities that one must realise before taking this step. This is from the point of view from someone who it didn’t work out for. Reading blogs before I went was all from the point of view of partners that successfully travelled together, but there is much to be learnt from partners that did it and didn’t really live on to tell the tale.

I must warn you… this isn’t a love story.

• The first reality is that you are going to see them everyday. Whilst this might seem like a lovely thought now, when you are tired, grumpy and just want some alone time, they are there, still. Even worse, when they are tired and grumpy or worse in my exes case; hungry. Knowing their limits as well as your own is very important.
• Secondly, if you are combining meeting friends and family members overseas, if at all possible, try and keep it mutual. I can say after spending a fair chuck of my 4 and a half month trip with my exes family and friends and a total of 3 days with mine, that it can get a bit overbearing.
• Thirdly, if you are in your young 20′s and wanting to meet people, I can safely say that you will meet very few people. If you are one of those couples that likes doing things together, that is great, but in 4 and a half months, I didn’t exactly make many friends.
• Respect the need for space. Do things apart if you want to take this step. Spending 4 and a half months with someone constantly is really unnatural. Try to at least go to some museums or shopping or events on your own that your partner won’t enjoy. They will thank you for it.
• Respect your partner. If they aren’t comfortable with something, respect it. If you aren’t comfortable with something, tell you partner and as your partner they should respect you. If you don’t plan on respecting your partner, don’t do this to them. This goes for everything in a relationship really.
• Make sure you discuss what your expectations of the trip are. Every last detail. You want to make sure you are 100% on the same page. Not on the other side of the world, realising that they are chasing things that you were told they weren’t there to chase (yes I am still a little bitter )

Despite my negative experiences, I am still a romantic at heart. I hope if you are your partner are considering travelling together you realise it is not a step to take lightly, but it can have some very beautiful pros. Or so I am told.

Defining the last 5 Years

On the 28th of September 2006, I, along with my 73 other classmates graduated high school. It was an exciting time, filled with optimistic fear. Each year since then, I have learnt some very valuable lessons which defined each year from the journey I have made from the 17-year-old girl who didn’t know what she was going to do with her life, to the 22-year-old girl, who still doesn’t know what she is going to do with her life. 

2007 – The Year of  Autonomy yet Romance.

2007 was the year I started high school, for anyone reading this that might be American (as the largest proportion of people who I seem to meet on here are) you have to realise that we do University very different in Australia. We tend to go to Universities close to where we live, we only really move if we have it. That being said, University definitely isn’t as social in Australia as it is in the United States. After coming from a really small community based high school, were even 5 years later I am still friends with about 40-50% of my classmates, this was a huge adjustment. I had to learn to go places on my own, travel a hell of a long way to get to classes and figure out how to enjoy solitude. I had friends at university, though I learnt quickly to do my own thing. Though this is the year I experience the most romantic bliss, being in a good relationship with few hiccups.

2008 – The Year of Hard Work and Hard Partying

2008 proved to be one of the hardest for me study wise. With subjects such as Social Research Methods, Philosophies of Social Sciences as well as Mind, Body and Emotion and Health Psychology and Drugs, Addiction and Society it proved to be one tough year learning the vast areas that Social Science degrees have to offer. Despite turning 18 in 2007, 2008 was when I really explored what this extra privilege gave me. We have been having house parties for years, but 2008 was the time for exploring all the clubs. You name the type of clubs and I tried it this year. Indie Clubs, retro clubs, emo clubs, metal clubs (I was the preppiest person there, I thought I might get knifed) R n B clubs, trendy clubs. There was a lot of hard work relationships wise too, with a previously great relationship turning sour very quickly.

Purple Sneakers, my favourite club during this phase and that DJ (Monkey Genius) happens to be one of my 74 classmates. That’s right, I am cool by association only.

2009 – The Year of Changes and Adventures - This was the best year of my life and sometimes I am not sure why this year stands out so much more than any other, but it does. The changes that took place in 2009, were probably the most significant personal growth a person can have. I left a relationship that downright made me miserable and got my life back again. I deferred university, went overseas alone and did things completely for myself that were completely my own choosing. It was all me. I achieved a lot this year, made a lot of great friends and think of these experiences like they were yesterday.

2010 – The Year of Reconnection (and the ending of 16 and a half years of education and yes more partying)

The year of all the 21st. The 21st came rolling in and this year gave me some of the cheapest and best parties I have and ever will attend. Being invited to all the old friends from high school parties also reinforced just how much of a bond you create with the people you share the experience of school with. Even though we will all make new friends and go off in different directions, we will always have that connection. 2010 is a year I never give enough credit too. I finished a degree this year. I left a huge phase of my life behind. In hindsight it was a very exciting year.

2011 – The Year of the Opening Eyes and Seeing the World.

The end of 2011 proved to be my downfall, with a breakdown to follow. This year was the year of challenges, the year of opening eyes for many reasons. Firstly from travelling through Europe for 4 and a half months, my eyes were opened to world events I had little to no idea about. That is what travel is for, it broadens the mind. I learnt so much recent history that I really didn’t know much about such as Soviet’s Invasion in Central Europe. In my modern history classes back at high school we focused more on Asian History and American History, so European History is something I knew very little about until recently Secondly, I opened my eyes to the holes and reality of my private life, reality isn’t exactly bliss at times, but at least its reality. Despite the challenges of this past year, I got to see a lot of the world which I have longed to do for a very long time.

And now a question for anyone reading this?

How do you define the last 5 years of your life? and how do you hope to define 2012?