Domestic Abuse on Glee

Firstly, yes I am a self-confessed Gleek. I may be too old to watch glee, but hey, tell that to my 55-year-old father that watches it with me every week.

Glee in the past has dealt with some serious life issues. Sexuality, suicide, death, disability, teen pregnancy and OCD just to name a few. So it comes to no surprise that domestic abuse has become a topic of interest to explore and it was a bold and excellent choice to choose Coach Beiste as the choice of victim, as she is not one who you would expect. She’s big and tough and from the outside world’s perspective, it looks like she can take care of herself. However in reality she has very low sense of self-esteem and self-worth, which doesn’t help battered women.

It impressed me how much understanding this storyline gave to women in situations of domestic abuse. It looked at how hard it is for these women to walk away, despite how clear-cut the decision should be. The only thing missing from the exploration of domestic abuse was the failure to mention any other kinds of abuse other than physical violence. If anything physical violence is the one that most people realise that you definitely have to walk away from. It is also very noticeable to the outside world. There is only so long you are going to be able to hide it and deny it for. However domestic abuse can take many forms, in which are not as commonly talked about and as widely discussed. Types of abuse  such as emotional abuse in domestic situations as well as psychological abuse. Whether abuse is physical, emotional or mental, abuse is aimed to control the victim. But what if the victim is controlled emotionally or mentally. Is it just as harmful?

Many psychologists would argue that yes, it is just as harmful if not more so, because emotional and psychological abuse alike physical abuse happen behind closed doors but unlike physical abuse, it is invisible to the outside world. All in all, a bold choice of story arc and a bold choice of topic, I just wish Glee took it that one bit further like it usually does with other issues it presents.

Any recent shows that you wish explored an issue better than they did?

Goodbye My Friends, Hello Real World.

Dunder Miflin Paper Company, the Upper East Side, Pawnee, Downton Abbey, Lima Ohio, it’s been fun. You have allowed me to escape from the real world and realm into yours, where men in the office are either eccentric or charming, to were I am happy to watch some scandal unwind, where local council workers are stars, were old England comes to life and were it is always okay to sing and dance as long as you don’t mind the odd slushie in the face. But alas, the real world is finally calling my name.

Tomorrow is the first day of my new job, the first day of doing a job for more than just money and the first job I am starting that doesn’t have an end date in mind from day one. I could hate it and want to leave soon or it could be were I want to spend the next number of many years. I’m loving the lack of plans right now. Plans are overrated. I like not knowing the next chapter of my life. I like how much of a mystery it all is. As tempting as it is to want to turn to the last pages and see how it all ends, the mystery and the excitement of whats next also awaits. Let the next chapter unfold.

My Love Hate Relationship with Gossip Girl

Right now I am unemployed and living with my parents. So my days are spent in equal parts; applying for jobs, watching copious amounts of television, writing in this blog, sorting my life out and writing a book proposal. Not totally unproductive, but lets be honest, it’s fairly unproductive.

Right now, I am watching Gossip Girl. I use to watch Gossip Girl when it first came out but gave up on it pretty quickly. However boredom and desperation have got me back to watching it again, and we have developed a great love hate relationship.

I am starting to get addicted, I know, I am somewhat ashamed and feel embarrassed admitting this to random people on the internet. The fashion, the scandal and the daydreaming about Dan has pulled me in. So has my overwhelming boredom.

But today watching some of the twisted messages on Gossip Girl made me think ‘gosh I hope young girls don’t take any notice of this show.’ By this I am not talking about the scheming and the backstabbing, because whilst that is featured in obsence amounts, their is usually a moral to the story and good wins. I am talking about this shows take on relationships and love.

One of the characters was saying to another that his abusive and horrible ways of treating her and their intensely bi-polar relationship was the makings of ‘great love’ and that she deserved a ‘good love.’ By this he mean one that was going to be steady good for her. Whilst I don’t disagree with what he is saying, that she deserves someone that will make her happy all the time, but isn’t it sad how we label turbulent relationships as ‘great love’ because sometimes they are intense but often others they are horrible, abusive and a massive rollercoaster rides. I find it kind of scary, the messages of crazy rollercoaster ride relationships from hell are being labelled as ‘great loves’

Give me a ‘good love’ anyday.

Best Television Marriage Proposals

Tonight on Glee, Will proposed to Emma. It’s always exciting watching the characters we love get their happy endings, with marriage proposals always exciting my inner romantic. Tonight’s proposal satisfied the 12-year-old girl inside me, but it didn’t really pop and I don’t really consider it memorable. It didn’t bring me close to tears, despite the walking on water, the white suit and top-hat and the synchronized swimming. (an interesting combination to say the least) and what a terrible song choice. It should have been something more classy and delicate, something more Emma Pilsberry, not Rihanna. If anyone proposes to me with a Rihanna song playing, I would say no, even more so if it involved synchronized swimming.(though I really want that one piece)

These are the best marriage proposals to brace our television sets, in recent years.

The Office Michael and Holly – The people who write the american version of ‘The Office’ in my opinion are amazing. How they always manage to capture each character, make you laugh and cry is truly a talent. If someone told me ‘you would be crying during a Michael Scott proposal’ I would have never believed them and been really embarrassed. But I am not embarrassed as it turns out (though maybe I should be) because it is really sweet. Michael walks Holly through the Office, recalling the significant moments they shared there. She then gets lead to the break room, with all the members of staff holding candles. CANDLES. Oh candles is usually enough for me to find anything romantic. Light a candle and I become an easy women. As she walks through, the members of staff ask her to marry her (which I didn’t quite get, but it led to some funny lines, after Gabe ‘an easy no’ and Ryan ‘the only one I was afraid of’) only for her whole desk to be filled with MORE CANDLES. oh! Then the sprinkler system going off. Oh perfect Office moment.

Sex and the City Miranda and Steve -  Because Miranda proposed, a classic feminist perspective proposal from Sex and the City, over cheap $4 beers in Manhattan (I find it hard to believe you could get a beer for $4 in Manhattan) and because they said all their ‘I don’t’ before they said their I do’s

Yes this is a picture from the wedding.

The Office  Jim and Pam – How much I would give to be Pam and get that sweetie. But his truck stop proposal was just “wow” mostly because he waited so long to have her and wasn’t going to wait anymore. Say it with me awwwwwwwwwwww.

The Michael Scott Paper Company – A Psychological Evaluation.

The other day I watched the episode of the office titled ‘The Michael Scott Paper Company.’ In this episode, Pam and Michael have started the Michael Scott Paper Company and it gets off to a shaky start.

At first Michael is delusional, delaying work at all costs until he has a major freak out. Despite the fact that Pam is scared to, she says that when Michael is weak she becomes strong. She also says that this happens in her marriage to Jim as well. When one person in the partnership has a freak out and becomes weak, they other one becomes stronger. She said it was one of those strange yet lovely parts of partnerships.

Later in the episode, the reverse happens. Pam starts to question if she has made the biggest mistake of her life in leaving her receptionist role at Dunder Mifflin, in which never really made her happy, but was a dependable role that covered her bills. When she has her freak out, Michael puts his issues aside and states ‘that they both have made the decision together and that they have each other and they will work on it together.’ Michael therefore takes on the role of the stronger character, to reassure Pam.

I noticed in my own previous relationship that this happened for me to an extent. Well at least it happened one-sided. Every time my ex boyfriend freaked out, I became strong. Even if I was freaked out and scared to, I took on the role of the strong person. However this wasn’t reciprocated. I did become weak and scared, however I don’t feel my ex partner managed to become strong when I became weak. I got very depressed at one stage, and he would get mad at me for being depressed. He would get upset that I was upset. I needed reassurance and for someone to be strong for me, but instead he turned it around and made it about him. The way I was treated, only made matters worse and it became a vicious cycle.

I remember distinctly when we arrived in Beijing for a stop over. He got freaked out, he has never been in a non english speaking country before. We needed to change flights and only had so much time to do it. I get it, it was pretty stressful. I was stressed too, but he was more stressed, so I became pro active and figured it out. Asked someone and we got there. We then got to Beijing late at night and he got freaked out again. 2 freaks out in day one of the big trip. It made me slighty nervous, but at the end of the day, I was worried and cared and gave him a big pep talk about how it would be fine and really the worst case scenarios weren’t so bad and if we just stuck together we would figure it out. Truth was I was a bit worried myself.

However when it came to my inevitable freak outs, this never happened. I either got yelled at for being weak or was made to feel like there was something wrong with me for this. Was told I wasn’t strong enough etc. I really started to believe this and I have always known that I was a strong person, so hearing that I wasn’t all the time, had a profound impact on me. I guess the more your told something, the more you start to believe it.

After watching this episode of the Michael Scott Paper Company and being a student of Social Psychology, I spent a little time looking up whether this was a psychological phenomenon. Some fancy name that I can put to it. Lately I have been trying to figure things out with psychology rather than my emotions. Become a bit more logical and to think with my head more than my heart. But after a bit of research, turns out this phenomenon might just be love and selflessness and no fancy psychological term that I could put a long and educated name to. Just plain old love. It’s revelations like this where I realise just how blind I was.

Is it sad?

Yesterday I watched Pam and Jim from The Offices Wedding. Is it sad that these two getting married makes me happier then pretty much any memory from my own love life?

It’s rare that you see the main characters, in which story arches revolve around the flirtly tension, end up together successfully and stay in a strong relationship. It’s actually really refreshing to see a shift. That being with someone is still part of a journey, not a destination like most T.V shows and movies have you believe, with the characters finally ending up together, but only at the end.

 

Are Fantasies Dangerous?

So I am in love again. Yes I know it happened very fast, and was rather unexpected. His perfect. We have the best time together. I could just watch him for hours and hours on end, until my mum wants the T.V back to watch the news. Yes unfortunately he is not real, but a fictional character whom is now the object of my desires. Jim Halpert of the office, who could resist him. He is a dream guy. Whilst having a discussing today with friends about my new great love for Jim and my desires to one day have a ‘Jim’ to call my very own when my friend said to me… ‘your fantasies are dangerous’ you need to live in reality.

Is she right? Is daydreaming about a fictional character really doing me any harm. I mean I am not delusional, I know his not real and that in reality I am really single and actually pretty liberated by that. My ‘relationship with Jim’ is really all I could handle anyway. But this got me thinking.

Are fantasies dangerous and self harming?

So I have done a little research and I am actually kind of surprised at the results. I always thought it was a good and positive quality to dream big but apparently it’s not always. Dreaming to big can lead us to think we have achieved a success in which we have no basis of achieving, without really considering the goals in the way. These fantasies then become a harder reality because in our fantasies we don’t see the obstacles ahead and this in fact makes us less motivated. Take those looking for a job. Those who spent more time dreaming about getting a job, performed worse. Two years after leaving college the dreamers:

 had applied for fewer jobs,

unsurprisingly had been offered fewer jobs,

and, if they were in work, had lower salaries.

This is apparently according to Oettigin and Mayer, because motivation of dreamers is not the same as those whom have greater realistic expectations.

In relationships this can also be damaging as we have unrealistic expectations of how they work, as we only see the nice sides in TV and expect a ‘happy ending’ with no work whatsoever. We expect everything to just happen, without having to work through obstacles, under the illusions of fantasies.

So perhaps my relationship with Jim is more damaging than I thought… In fact fantacising about Jim, is keeping me further from my Jim. But its ok, I have realistic expectations, I know there is no guy out there as perfect as him. *sigh*