Steps Towards Happiness – The Paradox of Happiness

Yesterday morning marked one year since I stepped off the plane. One year since my mum greeted me at the airport and barely recognised me. One year since I drove home, looked in the mirror and didn’t recognise myself. I remember looking at myself in the mirror, taking a solid look and thinking, how did I get here? I lay in my bed, staring blankly out the same window I’d been staring out my whole life, but the view looked awfully different to the view I’d once known.

This morning marks one year since I was diagnosed with depression and day one of my endeavour into finding happiness. Over the last year I have learnt a lot about happiness but I have approached happiness in a much different way than I ever have previously.  But for the sake of reminiscing I’d like to go back to the start, the first step of happiness, identifying what actually makes you happy.

This as it turns out is not as simple as it sounds. When I was in Seattle approximately two weeks before I came home I saw a doctor who told me that to improve my health and happiness I needed to A.) Reduce my sugar and caffeine intake dramatically, B.) Not to travel around anymore and stay in one place (preferably back home) and have more stability C.) Have regular exercise D) Take more baths, massages and other such relaxing things. Ok Doc, so I have no opposition to taking a bath, sure why not but your telling me that cutting out why favourite things in the world (Mar’s Bar’s,Coke and Travelling)  and telling me the answer to all my problems is to go home, find a stable office job and get on a treadmill and that will make me happy? No no, your sorely mistaken!

But as much as I hate to admit it, I went home, took some baths, somewhat cut out sugar (for like a month max) got a job I feel really passionate about, have a crazy stable life with the support of my family and friends. Sometimes you don’t know what will make you happy, sometimes it is about trialing the things you think will and having an honest look at the situation. I love travelling and seeing the world, but I don’t think I’d want to travel around aimlessly for 4 and a half months again, probably one month at a time of ‘travelling around’ tops and if I wanted to be overseas for longer than that, it would be set up in a certain area. Sometimes identifying happiness is the hardest step of all. It’s the paradox of happiness, you don’t always know what it’s going to look like.

The Blog Days Are Over

I debated in my head whether I wanted to write this post or not. Whether I wanted to keep this blog open incase I ever needed it again. But that is just the thing. I no longer need it or get anything out of it anymore. It has dawned on me. I am happy. There is nothing left to achieve with it and whilst I will always have something to say, I think that was this blogs point. To show myself that I have opinions and that I have points of view. My points of view matter and my wants and needs matter, no more than anyone else, but no less either. This blog has been a journey to find out who I am and whilst I will always have more to know about myself, it feels like time to close it down and learn in a different way.

The more I thought about writing this, the more it felt right. This blog is done everything I was hoping it would do, but a lot more to. I literally wrote my way out of depression and back to mental health. Looking back at the time when I lost my sanity and had a nervous breakdown. I was a completely different person and I have to say that I am ridiculously proud of myself from getting to where I have gotten in the short time that I did. Whilst I will never be glad that the experience happened, it’s been a significant factor in making me who I am today, someone who I am really proud to be. Like a good wise friend of mine that I really look up to recently said to me,’ it’s character building, your stronger and better for it, and by god you will never ever be in a situation like that again.’ And she’s right. I won’t be. I’ve learnt to much to ever be. It’s all behind me now.I’m stronger and more self-assured than I could have ever hoped to be. I’m tougher and more worldly, more independent and focused and I have become the person I wanted to be. More calm,easy-going and less prone to stress. I trust that the universe will put me where I am meant to be.

Thank you to anyone that ever wrote or comments or followed this. I appreciate it. Mostly I want to thank the people who validated my story. That made me realise I wasn’t being weak or complaining. There are so many people out there that have the same story that I do, talking to you all and sharing stories with you was like a light at the end of the tunnel. That was the hardest part of being isolated with someone like I was, you don’t have anyone to validate your experiences with until your around normal sane people again and you realise what kind of crazy, insane shit was imposed on you and you realise that your mental health is in a bad place for a reason. That it’s not you. Life will never get that bad again, no one will ever be able to convince me I am crazy or weak or anything else again, I am past all that shit, I know who I am.

As for travelling again. Lately I have thought a lot about travelling again, but I have just gotten an amazing job which I love and is such an amazing opportunity. It took a long time for someone to believe in me and give me a break. The people I work for believe in me, I can feel that they do, I don’t want to let them down, I want to do well at this job and that is my goal for now. Industrial Relation Law’s was never something I thought I’d work in, but I love it so far. It’s interesting, technical, complicated and ever changing.  But I am still young and still believe that I can have it all, so whilst I won’t be going on any long trips anytime soon, I have some pretty exciting ideas for semi distant future. But not plans, because one of the biggest lessons this whole experience has taught me is to live in the moment. When the moment is right, I’ll know it. Until then I will continue to be the hopeless dreamer that I always was, looking forward without forgetting the past. Focus on all the exciting times in front of me and not all the crushed dreams behind me. I will no doubt blog again in the future, especially if I do my travel ‘ideas’.

Alexander Chambers once said, “The three grand essentials of happiness are: Something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. I have all these things. What more could I ever want.

The not-so Winter Blues.

I love Summer. I live for Summer. Summer is my absolute favourite time of year. Beaches, swimming, summer fashion, warm nights out, sunsets. Being June, the fair majority of the Western World is enjoying all these things, however not me and all my friends Southern Hemisphere friends. In the 6 plus months of being in the bloggersphere I have been coming more intune to the happenings of everyday people from all around the world and lately I have been made painfully aware that there are plenty of people out there enjoying the sunshine. (don’t worry, I will have my payback come December time, lying on a beautiful Sydney beach) But this year I am attempting to embrace Winter. Usually winter I go into hibanation, just like bears. But this year will be different, I promise, (said as I write this from my bed). Here is my list of all the things I am looking forward to about Winter.

1. Winter Fashion – I’ve been told that I don’t like Winter because I don’t know how to dress for it. When a discussion came up about the fact I am 23 and purchasing my first thick winter coat ever, I realised this may just be true. (What, I usually dont go outside in Winter) So this year I am embracing Winter fashion. Overcoats, thick leggings, scarves, gloves, beanies are now all things I own and will wear on a regular basis. I now walk to work like an eskimo, but hey, at least I am toast warm and outside.

2. Peppermint Tea – As someone who doesn’t drink tea or coffee (still waiting for those tastebubs to mature) it is usually hard to find something to endulge in daily. But peppermint tea has now become my winter staple. Put a little sugar in it and it’s like drinking a candy cane. Yum Yum Yum.

3. Electric Blanket – Sorry environment, but I couldn’t live without it. It’s even on as I type this. I have to admit that graph on ‘An Inconvient Truth’ showing the variations between Northern and Southern Hemispheres impact on the environment actually made me feel better, the Southern Hemisphere isn’t doing so bad.

4. Soup and Casseroles – And many other warm, tasty comfort foods. My doctor has been telling me to gain weight for weights, I feel this winter it may be inevitable.

So enjoy your Sunshine and summer holidays my Northern Hemispherian friends, I will be attempting to be walking in a Winter Wonderland.

Psychology of Happiness

In the last 6 months, achieving happiness and the psychology of happiness has become a large focus in my life. Post nervous breakdown, it was clear that changes needed to be made, however what these changes had to be, was not so clear. Here are some facts about happiness that make the changes needed to get happy that little bit clearer.

1. Your genes and family upbringing account for only half of your happiness levels.

2. Only 10 percent of your happiness comes from external circumstances. Genes and upbringing influence about 50% of the variation in our personal happiness, our circumstances (income and environment) affect only about 10 percent. The remaining 40% is accounted for by our outlook and activities, including our relationships, friendships and jobs, our engagement in the community and our involvement in sports and hobbies.

3. Your outlook on life, and what you choose to do with your life accounts for 40 percent of your happiness levels. This includes your friendships, work, and participation in your community.

4. It gets easier as you age. A 2005 U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey showed ages 20-24 are sad for 3.4 days per month. Those aged between 65-74 are sad only 2.3 days per month

5. A mere 20 minutes of exercise, three days each week will increase your happiness by 10 to 20 percent after six months.

6. The happier you are, the more antibodies your body generates – up to 50 percent more, in fact.

7. In the United States, the number of people with clinical depression is 3 to 10 times more common than it was for their grandparents at the same age.

8. Happy people generally earn more than unhappy people.

9. Women are unhappiest in their life around the age of 37; men around the age of 42.

10. Dancing increases happiness.

11. Sports facilities and community centres increase a community’s overall happiness.

12. Money can buy happiness. Those who can afford to have their basic material needs taken care of are happier than those who cannot.

13. Money has its limits. After having your basic material needs met, additional money does not have any impact on your levels of happiness.

14. People in relationships are usually happier than people who are single, however….

15. Happier people are more likely to retain relationships.

16. Education and intelligence do not make you more happy than anyone else.

17. Happiness has a fragrance. Clinical experiments on body odour have proved your scent changes between when you are stressed or happy

18. The more you hug your children, the happier they will be as adults.

19. The most powerful way to increase your short-term feelings of happiness is to perform random acts of kindness to others, or to send a letter of gratitude to someone you care about. Five such acts in a week will increase your happiness for up to three months.

20. The most powerful way to increase your long-term feelings of happiness is to change your thoughts rather than your circumstances. Thought patterns are are like stubborn habits, they aren’t going to change straight away, but you can train yourself to change them.

21. Happy people live up to 10 years longer than their depressed peers.

Steps Towards Happiness – Playing Sport

Since coming home from overseas approxiately 5 months ago, depressed, I had the abstract goal of leading a more relaxed, happier and more furfilling life. Progress in this department happened quickly initially. Straight away from being home life improved. I had people to talk to again, people who would listen to me and not dismiss how I was feeling. People that reassured me I wasn’t crazy and well, quite frankly people to tell me how wrong my ex-boyfriend had treated me when I didn’t see it. Life improved so rapidly. In one month I had gotten to where I wanted to be in 6 months time. But then progress kind of haulted. Whilst if I am completely honest with myself, I have made progress in the 4 months after that, it just hasn’t been quite so rapidly. Emotionally I have, I feel a lot stronger and more sure of myself. But life has been a little slow. I am the most impatient person you will ever meet, so this period of my life and waiting for it to happen has been incredibly frustrating and depressing.

But soon one small step will be made. I am playing basketball again. Whilst I have never been much of a superstar at basketball. (the WNBA won’t exactly be knocking on my front door anytime soon) I have always enjoyed playing sport and I have played team sport from when I was 8 to when I was 21, so I admit I have kind of missed it.This feels like a good step in the right direction towards happiness for a number of reasons. Not only will I get to play a sport I really enjoy, but it will get the endorphins following, the heart pumping (or collasping either way) but it will give me some routine in my almost routineless life as well make me see some friends more and  make some new ones as well. Let the games begin and keep the ambulance on stand-by.

The Power of Vunerability

As someone who is really interested in Social Psychology and Social Research (it was my major), I find this talk by Brene Brown really fasinating. Lately I have been really interested in hearing what she has to say, mostly because of her simple way of putting her ideas and for her humor. She makes researchers seem like a real people, not just their subjects. Although to some her ideas might be simple, I think to a lot of people, it’s something in which they might never have realised before. If you have time, take a look.

Nervous Breakdowns – What are they and how to spot the signs.

If anyone would have said to me this time last year, by the end of the year you will have a nervous breakdown, I would have laughed at them. I never in a million years thought something like that would happen to me, I am young, I’d just got my degree and was making lots of money to do something in my life that I always dreamed of. I never thought something like that would happen to me and in telling some of my friends that the reasons I came home early from overseas was because I had a nervous breakdown, most have been surprised. You what? But your always laughing I recall one saying. You don’t get sad, or when you do you jump back really quickly. But it happens, I can say that with a matter of certainty, because it happened to me. But what is a nervous breakdown? We have all heard the term nervous breakdown, otherwise known as a mental breakdown. But what exactly does it involve. What exactly happens to a person when they have a nervous breakdown?

A nervous breakdown refers to a mainstream and often-used term to generically describe someone who experiences a bout of mental illness that is so severe, it directly impacts their ability to function in everyday life. Whilst it is not a medical term, it is the signs of the extremes in stress or mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.A nervous breakdown can be seen as a sign that one’s ability to cope with life or a mental illness has been overwhelmed by stress, life events, work or relationship issues. By disconnecting from their regular responsibilities and routines, an individual’s nervous breakdown may allow them to try and regroup their coping skills and temporarily relieve the stress in their life.

But you don’t have to have a mental illness to experience one, they really can happen to anyone who has just reached the breaking point of chronic stress. (World of Psychology Website)

The World of Psychology Website also states that ‘A nervous breakdown is not a condition to be afraid of, as it is simply an indication of overhwelming stress and mental illness in a person’s life. Loved ones and friends of someone who is suffering from a nervous breakdown should be supportive of the individual’s efforts in seeking help for it.’ When I suffered my nervous breakdown, I was just isolated with my ex-boyfriend and some of his friends who didn’t know me, so I understand that they didn’t notice my behaviour changes because how could they, they really didn’t know me. But say you did have a friend who you suspected was a little bit off lately, would you know the signs to be able to step in and help?

The signs of nervous breakdown can be put into 3 groups: Physical Signs, Emotional Signs and Behaviour Changes

Physical symptoms of a nervous breakdown

• Sleep disruption – much longer periods of sleep or insomnia
• Diarrhea
• Constipation
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
• Breathing problems
• Migraine headaches
• Low libido
• Memory loss
• Disrupted menstrual cycle
• Extreme exhaustion/fatigue
• Feelings of persistent anxiety or panic attacks
• Significant changes in appetite, such as eating too little or too much (comfort eating)
• Visual/eye disturbances

Emotional symptoms

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Agitation and restlessness
• Indecision
• Loss of confidence and selfesteem
• Inability to stop crying
• Feelings of guilt, poor judgment
• Disinterest in social life and work or alienation from previously close friends and family
• Hearing voices
• Inability to pursue a normal life, normal activities or normal relationships
• Increasing dependence on alcohol or drugs
• Paranoid thoughts, such as the thought people are trying to harm you
• Seeing people who are not there
• Thoughts of dying or wish to die
• Thoughts of grandeur or invincibility
• Having flashbacks to a prior traumatic event
• Hearing voices

Behavioral symptoms

• Mood swings
• Strange behavior such as odd body movements or undressing in public
• Exhibiting strong or violent anger
• Speech changes/voice changes

16 Guidelines for Life

If life is getting you down lately or you’re not as happy as you think you could be. I really recommend this book.

The 16 Guidelines are put into 4 groups of 4.

How we think- Humility, Patience, Contentment and Delight

How we act- Kindness, Honesty,Generosity,Right Speech

How we relate to others - Respect, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Loyality

How we find meaning- Aspiraton,Principles,Service,Courage

Feng Shui(ing) my Bedroom – From Beginner to Beginner

After attending day two of the Happiness and it’s Causes Conference at Sydney’s Town Hall, one of the practical components of the day was about using the powers of Feng Shui. So today I am going to be Feng Shui(ing) (I’m really not sure if that’s a word) my bedroom whilst I write this. Keep in mind, I am no Feng Shui expert, I am just putting into practise what I learnt at the conference as well as from a couple of google searches.

The first step for Feng Shui(ing) my room is to find out what my number is. No not that number (my room already knows what that number is). You need to find out your Kua number, which is based on your birth date. You Kua number can be worked out like so.

KUA NUMBER FOR A FEMALE:

1. Add the last two numbers of your year of birth and bring it to a single digit.

2. Add your single digit to number 5. (and bring it to a single digit if required)

3. This is your Kua Number!

KUA NUMBER FOR A MALE:

1. Add the last two numbers of your year of birth and bring it to a single digit.

2. Deduct your single digit from number 10.

3. This is your Kua Number!

Keep in mind, this is based off your Chinese Year of Birth, so those born in Janurary and Feburary need to be a little cautious and find out which Chinese Year they were born in, as the dates vary from year to year.

Using your number, you will be able to place yourself in the East Group or the West Group.

• The East Group Kua numbers are 1, 3, 4 and 9.
• The West Group Kua numbers are 2, 6, 7 and 8

From working out if you belong in the East Group (like me!) or the West Group, you will be able to figure out which directions work best for you and which corners and areas of your space (whether it be your whole house, or someone like me who lives with their parents, just the bedroom) create the best energies for your life. You might need a compass for this, or at least a good sense of north, south east and west.You will also need to divid your room into sections, which corralate to aspects of your life.

Putting this into practise, the first shocking thing that I noticed was that this section of my room, is my section for love,marriage and relationships.

The first reason why this seemed alarming was because my section for love is found in my closet(could Feng Shui be trying to tell me something?) but what also is alarming, is that this chest of draws contains all the stuff my ex has given me over the years that I just shovered in there to forget about and haven’t thought about since. This also includes a birthday present from him, which was a jumper/sweater from his college in USA. (how it got past me that he has narcissistic tendencies is beyond me sometimes) This is the first thing that needs to go from my love area. The second thing that needs to be removed is a photo of my gay friend Michael, in which he framed, signed and gave me for my birthday. Items also found in the love section include boxing gloves,Introduction to Psychology of Health textbook and a lot of rubbish and clutter. (It’s almost like a bad omen) The number one Feng Shui rule is to remove all clutter. It however, is still in a closet, but seeing as my parents refused to assist me in transforming the guest room into my new room, it will just have to do.

My love section is now clutter free, ex-boyfriend free, boxing glove free and health psychology free. It is clean, organised and with plenty of calm symbols, pictures of friends and spare draws (to invite someone new into my life, hey I can dream)

The next area that I am drawing my attention to is my area for Money and Success. Looking at the space of my room, it could be argued that I do not even have an area for money and success as my room is not really a square space. Pointing this out to my overly positive mother, she believed that I was in fact was lucky and 2 areas for money and success. (though I think this statement might have come from a dread of having to help me move my furniture into the spare room.)

Seeing as changing bedrooms is not an option, I will have to work with what I have. My desk located in one corner is a cluttered mess and contains photos of friends and candles. It does not scream success. This has been removed and replaced with a clear desk with just a lap-top.

The sections of my room for calm and health didn’t need to much fixing, well nothing I could do immediately, (other than move my candles over there) but it is very much a working progress, now with my ex-boyfriends stuff in the bin and most of the junk from my room gone I feel better already. Bring on the positive energies and if that doesn’t work, well at least it made cleaning my room less of a chore.

What are your opinions on Feng Shui? Have you DIY Feng Shui-ed your living space? Have you ever considered putting Feng Shui into practise in your home/bedroom? Or better yet, had a professional to come in a do it for you?

Happiness and it’s Causes

Recently I wrote a post about how my new hobby was entering in lots of competitions. Considering I have only been doing this when I have been getting ridiculously bored because unemployment is killing me and I have somewhat started to reap the benefits. So far in my efforts I have won a free meal at Nandos, 2 tickets to the Moonlight Cinema and yesterday I got a bit of a peculiar email. I had won tickets to the happiness and it’s causes seminar. My first reaction was like what? I don’t actually recall entering into that, so I really didn’t actually know what my prize was. Though when I saw it was worth $995, I thought, I probably did enter it because I thought, I will be able to sell anything that is worth $995. But turns out I can’t sell it. So I looked up what it was that I was invited to attend for nothing at all.

Turns out my prize is a 2 day Happiness Seminar.

http://www.happinessanditscauses.com.au/programme-conference-day-one-thursday-1-march-2012.stm

That is the first days program and the second can be found above. Anyone who is Australian, will know that it had got some kind of cool people speaking at it celebrity wise as well as some really intellectual people speaking about what the roots of happiness and everything about happiness and its causes. If only I won last years one, the Dali Lama spoke at that one.  Due to my recent life circumstances, it could actually be really good for me. Worse comes to worse, it’s something to do and if it sucks, well I can always leave. It also has free food.

And my 25 words or less entry on what was my happiest moment? My mum picking me up from the airport after coming home from my disaster of a trip (it was written a little more poetically than that.) Thanks mum. Not only are you the best mother in the word, but your awesomeness wins me prizes too.